


What's your number?

by Beawrites



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bi!Eva, Dancing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Lesbian Vilde Hellerud Lien, Slow Burn, What's Your Number AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:57:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beawrites/pseuds/Beawrites
Summary: “The average woman has 10.5 partners in her lifetime.”When Eva starts reading Cosmopolitan, she makes a horrid discovery - she is way above average woman. And not in a good sense.A What's your number? AU





	1. en

Eva woke up to the sound of someone snoring loudly next to her ear. She silently got out of bed, tip toed all the way to the bathroom and stared at her reflection. There were massive bags under her eyes, her hair was flat and tangled up in pieces. She sighed, brushed her teeth, put on some mascara and concealer, brushed her hair and snuck back to the bedroom and slipped into the bed.

His boyfriend, Adrian woke up after she settled back and she pretended that she just woke up as well; this was her everyday morning routine: get out of bed before him, make herself look presentable then lie and say she woke up like this.

He never noticed any of it, but then again, he still hasn’t noticed Noora’s wedding invite which she put next to his bagel every morning.

“Soo” Eva sat down next to him and looked at him hopefully “Noora’s wedding is coming up and I was wondering if you were free then” she smiled at him “There’s a vegetarian option on the menu”

“Ohm .. I don’t know baby, that sounds kind of serious” _was he serious?_ They’ve been together for 3 months now and he was practically living off of her.

“I thought it was serious, you know, since I pay your phone bill” Eva faked a smile. She was furious; she let an another asshole into her life once again, who wouldn’t even go with her to a wedding. He didn’t answer, he just tried to reach for her hand but she pulled it away. “Pack your stuff and leave” she remained calm and went to the bathroom to take a cold shower. She didn’t cry; she was relieved. She had to take so much shit from him in the past 3 months. Her only problem was that she alone once again for the wedding, and she couldn’t really go alone; she was the maid of honour. By the time she was done in the shower, he had packed up his stuff and stood in the door. Was he trying to say goodbye? Eva could care less; she was actually hoping that he would leave by the time she came out the bathroom.

“Bye Adrian” She opened the door for him and tapped on it, she hoped he would notice that she really doesn’t want to see him anymore.

“You know if you ever want to do anything” he wiggled his brows suggestively. _Ew_. “Just give me a call”

“I’d love to, but I don’t know if you’ll find another idiot in this city who will pay your phone bills now that I won’t” she smirked at him and waved him off. She was about to shut the door when she heard chuckling from the opposite door. _Great_. The last person she wanted to see this morning. Chris.

Chris was the asshole who lived in the flat across hers; she wouldn’t really have any problem with him if he wasn’t a sexist dick, who fucks a different girl every night, making them believe that he’s actually interested in them. Oh, and let’s not forget about the fact, that because he’s William’s best friend, she’ll have to spend days with him when the destination wedding happens.

He was standing in front of his leaning down for the newspaper, like a normal person, except he was completely naked. Thankfully he had the decency to hold a small towel in front of his dick.

“Please don’t even start” Eva begged him. She already had a shit day, she didn’t his sick jokes too.

“Mohn, I was just about to compliment you, that was a nice comeback” he winked at her and opened his arms, so Eva could see him in all his glory. She _obviously_ had to check him out. _Impressive_. He noticed and smirked at her and she smirked back and held eye contact. However, when a blonde, certainly not dressed enough girl appeared behind his back, whining his name, she quickly looked away. He rolled his eyes and pushed the girl back and closed the door. Eva shut her own as well.

 

 

“Can you believe that? ‘that sounds kind of serious’” Eva mimicked Adrian’s voice and Noora chuckled on the other end of the line.

“Actually I can” she laughed “I don’t even know why you dated him in the first place. He is a freaky hippie vegetarian who justifies not showering for 3 days with ‘I’m protecting mother nature’” Noora deepened her voice as well and they both laughed.

“I guess you’re right, I do love meat” Eva was on her way to the studio where she taught kids contemporary dance. “But it just sucks that I’m without a partner again and the wedding is in 2 months”

“You know you don’t have to bring a significant other right? Chris is William’s best man and he’s coming alone” Noora tried to reason with her.

“Noora, if you’re trying to convince me that going alone is a good idea, because that pig is going alone, you’re just making me want to get a boyfriend more. The only reason he doesn’t take anyone is because this way he has a better chance at fucking your bridesmaids” Eva scoffed. While she was ranting, she arrived to the studio, quickly said goodbye to Noora and started working.

 

On her way home, she started reading Cosmopolitan on the subway; she knew it is just a stupid magazine to make girls feel insecure, but she had nothing better to do since she left her earpods at home. As she flipped through the pages an article caught her eye: _What’s your number_? It was an article about the number of women’s sex partners throughout their lives. Deep down she knew that a number doesn’t define a person, but she was also curious.

_“The average woman has 10.5 partners in her lifetime.”_

“What the fuck?” she blurted out loudly. The lady sitting next to her frowned at her “I’m sorry, it’s just this article says that the average woman has 10.5 partners in her lifetime” Eva looks at the lady with a shocked expression.

“Yeah, that’s way too much” the lady nods.

“What?” Eva is surprised “No, that is a way too low number” she feels really offended. She’s sure she’s over the 10 mark now, maybe even above 20. She can’t stop thinking about it, so when she gets home she starts making a list.

_Jonas Vasquez, Vilde, Alexander Williamson, Matthias Pettersen, Peter from public relations class, Theodor Larsen, Thomas Berg, Julian Dahl, Mikael Boukhal, Oliver Lund, Konrad from the 2th floor, Agnes Svendsen, Else Mathisen._

  1. She knew there were more but she couldn’t remember any more names. She knew she shouldn’t be but she felt more embarrassed than ever in her life before.



 

Noora decided that they could all use a girl’s night out, so they went out to their favourite bar. In the meantime, Eva came up with 3 new names and Noora helped her remember 3 more. She was at 19. It was all she thought; she didn’t remember anyone else. As they drank more and more Eva cried about her new discovery in Cosmo to the girls. Sana took the rumpled magazine out of her hand and quickly read through it.

“According to a study, 70% of women who have been with more than 20 partners will never marry” Sana read out loud. Eva’s last pieces of self-esteem were crushed. She was one new sex partner away from never getting married and dying alone.

After what seemed like a million shots, she made an announcement “The next person I fuck I will fucking marry” she shouted and almost fell off her chair because she was so drunk.

 

That was her last memory from the previous night as started opening her eyes, but she quickly shut them again because of the sudden brightness. She heard a loud snort. _Please let it be Vilde, please, please, please_. She chanted to herself. She slowly turned her head and saw a naked butt, which certainly didn’t belong to Vilde. She peeked under her covers with a withering expression: yep. She was naked.

She ran to the bathroom and called Noora. The guy was still fast asleep in her bed. “Pick up, pick up, pick up” she said it like a mantra, as if Noora would answer sooner because of it.

“Eva, it is 7 am and I came home at 2 am. It better be important” Judging by her voice, Noora woke up to her phone’s ringing.

“There is a naked guy in my bed and I have no idea who it is or how he got here for that matter” Eva sputtered. She was freaking out.

“Well, then congrats” Eva didn’t understand what there was to congratulate to, _what the heck did she do last night_? “He’s going to be your husband, remember?” Noora laughed.

“Noora, there is nothing remotely funny about this. I’m going to fucking die alone” Eva almost started crying, she was so devastated.

“Hey, it might turn out to be a good thing. Positive attitude” she could hear Noora was smiling and she decided to be more optimistic. She peeked into her bedroom and noticed that Mysterious Guy woke up. And he scratched his junk and smelled his fingers. Nope, back to being Negative Nancy.

“No way he will be my husband” she ended the call without saying goodbye – she would call her back after she kicks this disgusting person out. She took all her courage and went back into her bedroom. He was putting his pants on – _thank god_ – she coughed and he looked up.

“Good morning” she tried to smile at him but it probably looked more like she drank half a litre lemon juice “The thing is you should probably go” he looked at her questioningly. _Come on Eva, come up with something_ “My roommate can be home any minute and he hates when people stay over for the night. So yeah- Could you leave, like now?” She basically ran out of her room to the kitchen. These past days have been more embarrassing than the previous 26 years she lived on this earth. There was a loud knock on the door. As she unlocked it, the person on the other side opened it and walked in like he owned the place.

“Morning” Chris dropped himself on the couch only in his grey sweatpants. _Did he not own any shirts?_ Eva wouldn’t have had a problem with his lack of clothing, if it wasn’t Chris. She didn’t want him to think (to know) that she was attracted to him, at least to the way he looked so she looked at his face instead of his toned abs and muscular arms.

“What are you doing here?” Eva was about to bite his head off, when Mysterious Guy came out of her bedroom thankfully now fully clothed. Chris’s head snapped at him.

“Hi you’re the roommate?” the guy asked from Chris.

“No I’m the boyfriend” Chris answered him threateningly and guy literally ran out the door. Chris started laughing “Well that was fun. Who was that loser anyway?”

“I have no idea” Eva subsided into the couch and buried her face in her hands.

“Eva, Eva, Eva. I’m beginning to think that we’re alike more than I thought”

“If that is true, then there is no other way out. Excuse me while I go jump out from my window” Chris laughed and grabbed Eva’s arm as she tried to stand up.

“Come on I can’t be that bad” he winked at her and she raised her eyebrows.

“Why are you here anyways?” Eva tried to change the subject.

“I was kind of in the same situation as you. Last night’s girl is a bit clingy, and doesn’t really get that the point of a one-night stand is that she leaves in the morning” Chris shrugged.

“Chis” Eva looked at her meaningfully “You’re in this situation every other day” he laughed.

“You’d be surprised but most of them actually leave without making a deal about it”

Eva was thinking for a while and she realized that the longer the girl is in Chris’s apartment, the longer he will be in hers, so she came up with a plan.

“What I’m about to do will never happen again, you get it?” she jumped up from the couch, went out the door, straight across the hall and opened up Chris’s door. He watched her from her doorway, he had no idea what she was doing. “Hey babe I’m home” Eva shouted, looking around as if she was looking for him. A tall, blonde girl only in her panties and Chris’ shirt stood in the kitchen. Eva eyed her from head to toe disdainfully. “Who the fuck are you?” she yelled at her. The girl wasn’t the brightest, she still didn’t realize she just fucked somebody’s boyfriend (or at least, that was what she should’ve realized) so she just looked at Eva dumbfounded. “Get the fuck out of my apartment you fucking slut. He has a girlfriend you know, maybe you should ask next time you open your legs to a stranger” Eva screamed hysterically; she was surprisingly enjoying herself, and the girl’s facial expression was priceless. The blonde ran out of the apartment without a word.

As Eva walked backed to her apartment Chris was waiting for her in the doorway, clapping “You continue to surprise me” he chuckled and leaned close to her ear. _Too close_. “And here I thought you were finally going to kiss me” he pushed her hair behind her ear and was about to kiss her neck when she hit his chest and pushed him away.

“Fuck off” she walked into her kitchen and started making coffee. “You know you can leave now; your apartment is free again” she gestured towards the door.

“Thank you” he walked over to the kitchen and stood on the opposite side of the island. “You were really good in that you know. For a second even I believed that you’re my girlfriend” he chuckled, but he seemed genuinely amazed.

“You wish” she smirked at him.

Chris looked down. _Yeah, he does_.

 


	2. to

They all went to taste cakes for Noora’s wedding. Eva, Chris, Vilde, Sana and Noora were seated around a round table and more than a dozen cake samples in front of them.

“The best is the chocolate and vanilla one” Sana said as she licked off the remnant icing from her fork.

“I like all of them” Vilde answered while munching on her piece.

Eva was sitting, face in her hands; she was still pretty down because of her latest one-night stand. “I can’t believe I’m going to die alone” she sighed.

“Don’t be ridiculous” Vilde tried to comfort her “You know Astrid has an older brother, right? I could definitely hook you up with him”

“Doesn’t he have a wife and 2 kids?” Noora asked raising her brow.

“They’re getting a divorce” Vilde shrugged.

“No thanks” Eva shook her head. Her own emotional damage was enough for a relationship; she didn’t need someone just like her.

Suddenly the door opened and Thomas Berg stepped in, they guy Eva had a relationship with for 2 months when she was 21. No one knew him; Eva was always embarrassed of him because he never showered, had no job at 28 and still lived with his parents. Not her brightest two months. But when she saw that a tall, lean, beautiful girl standing by his side and holding his hand, he wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. So she did the closest thing to that, she hid underneath the table.

When they left the girls all turned to her as she climbed out from under the table. “That was my ex from university” it was all Eva said.

“How come we never met him?” Chris asked.   
“He never showered, was jobless and lived with his parents at 28. I wasn’t exactly proud of him.” She shrugged “I have no idea how that girl can go public with him”

“Well, he could’ve changed you know. 5 years is a long time.” Sana said. Eva just nodded; Sana was right: she wasn’t the same person she was 5 years ago; why would her exes be the same?

“Sana you’re a genius” Eva jumped up from her seat, ran to Sana and hugged her.

“That’s I something you’ve all known already” Sana declared. “But now why?”

“Maybe it could work again with one of my exes and that way I don’t have to go above 20” Eva chirped as she jumped up and down excitedly.

“That is the stupidest plan I’ve even heard of” Chris commented. Eva shot her a glare “How are you going to find them anyway? And then what are you going to say?” Eva pressed her lips together as she started thinking.

“I’m going to figure it all out” Eva answered “So I better get going. Bye” she kissed all of the girls goodbye and was soon at the door of her apartment.

 

 

She sat down to her computer with a bottle of wine and started searching; it couldn’t be that hard – after all, there was facebook, Instagram and she had most of their phone numbers still. She spent the night frantically searching and she realized that it was indeed a challenge. Some were easy to find, but she immediately gave upon then when she saw that they already had families or committed relationships.

She fell asleep on her keyboard and woke up with asdfg pressed into her face. She made a coffee and walked out for her newspaper. Chris came out at the exact same time. “Ugh” Eva murmured as she saw that once again, he was butt-naked.

“Good morning sunshine” he winked at her. Eva was about to walk back into her flat without saying a word, but then she remembered something.

“Hey, your dad’s a detective right?” Chris nodded “So you would know how to find someone, right?” he nodded again “Could you help my find some people I hooked up with?”

“I’m not helping you trace your herpes back” Chris chuckled.

“Fuck you” Eva glared at her and shut her door with a loud bang.

How could she think that that asshole would help him? And why would he, it’s not like they were friends. Hell, they didn’t even like each other at all.

There was a loud knock on her door and when she opened up Chris stood in front of her; he was dressed now _. Thank God_.

“She wants to introduce me to his parents, I need to hide” he explained quickly, but Eva blocked his way from entering the flat.

“Only if you help me” Eva cocked up one of her brows and held eye contact.

“Fine just let me in” Chris didn’t even think about it for a second. Eva gave him a piece of paper with all of her exes names – some were already crossed out, and some were highlighted: the people she really wanted to find.

“I don’t have herpes” whispered as she looked up at him from his eyelashes. Chris just smiled at him.

“I’m fucking starving. Let’s grab something to eat” Chris said, grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door.

“Wait” Eva stopped, but she still held his hand “What if your little lady friend comes out now?”

“I don’t really give a shit” he shrugged “Come on”

 

They went to her favourite breakfast place; she chose a bagel with veggies and bacon and he ate pancakes.

“Why?” Chris asked and Eva just looked at him dumbfounded. “Why do you want to find them now?”

“Because I want to give them another chance. You know, maybe I’ve already met the one, but it was just bad timing” Eva shrugged, there was no way she was going to tell him the real reason.

“Bullshit” Chris retorted “The one doesn’t exist, and even if it does then there can’t be timing right?”

“Of course there can be. People change. Maybe we weren’t good for each other 5 years ago but we would be now”

“Bull-Shit”

“No it’s not” she protested “One of them is gonna be it for me and I can stay under twenty” she immediately regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth.

“What?” he chuckled and she buried her face in her hands “That’s what this is about? You don’t want to sleep with more people?” he continued laughing.

“I just don’t want to die alone” she was almost whispering.

“Why would you die alone? Because you had sex with 20 people? Who cares?” Chris picked around the blueberries on his pancakes.

“Everyone? People have expectations. You know, the perfect girl who you can introduce you to your parents, plays with your handicapped little sister, bakes a cake with your grandma but when it’s just the two of you she fucks your brains out.” Eva explained and Chris’s mouth was hanging open.

“That girl doesn’t exist. If she did, I’d be fucking her” Eva just rolled her eyes “But seriously” Chris lowered his head so he could look into her eyes properly “If someone wants you, they should want you entirely. If they love you, then they have to accept all of you. If they don’t, then they don’t deserve you” Chris gave her a sweet smile.

Eva was on the verge of tears but she refused to cry so she just mumbled a small thank you. Chris reached over and wiped a tear off that escaped. “You know, you’re a real softie deep down” she grinned at him.

“Don’t you dare tell anyone”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well x  
> I kept it a bit shorter, because this way I can upload more frequently but if you'd like longer chapters just tell me in the comments down below :)  
> as always, any feedback is deeply appreciated x

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed it, next chapters will be coming very soon.  
> What's your number is an amazing movie, and when I rewatched it last night it just screamed Chris and Eva to me so I had to start writing!


End file.
